


Best Friends Forever

by Starlight1395



Series: Self-Indulgence [8]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, College AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Smut, Open Ending, Pining, Unrequited Love, but not much comfort actually, edited to take out the trash UwU, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:30:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21518251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: Chan was Jisung's best friend. He would do anything for the older boy, no matter what.Even if he was completely, stupidly, painfully in love with him. Even if when they slept together, it tore Jisung's chest apart. Even when they pretended nothing happened, it made Jisung want to sob.Jisung was Chan's best friend, and he wasn't going to let himself ruin the best thing in his life.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han
Series: Self-Indulgence [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/916677
Comments: 17
Kudos: 58





	Best Friends Forever

Jisung wanted to throw up. He hated feeling this way but he couldn’t stop it. No matter how hard he tried, he was never able to control his emotions. Chan said it was one thing he loved about the younger boy, how expressive and emotional he was. Said Jisung was like nothing he had ever seen before.

And that’s what hurt the most.

Jisung laughed at the joke that Felix had said, along with the others. He couldn’t let anyone know he was upset, because then he’d lose the only good thing he had. He couldn’t let the others know.

He couldn’t let Chan know.

He could still feel Chan’s fingers on the small of his back. Feel Chan’s lips against his own, from when the older boy stole a kiss in the kitchen.

They weren’t together, despite how much Jisung desperately needed them to be. No, Chan didn’t like him that way, and he was determined that Chan would never know that Jisung had fallen in love with him.

“You good Sung?” Changbin asked, noticing how the younger boy was staring off into space.

“Huh?” He blinked and smiled shyly, as if he was embarrassed about being caught daydreaming. “Yeah, just zoned out.” He chuckled, to lighten the mood. The frown on Changbin’s face instantly smoothed, the lines on his brow disappearing easily.

“You want a refill?” Changbin asked, pointing to Jisung’s cup and letting the topic of the younger boy’s staring at nothing drop. Jisung looked down at the cup in his hand and thought for a second. He knew if he drank anymore, he would only get hurt, because drunk Jisung was a clingy Jisung and clingy Jisung would want one thing and one thing only.

“Sure,” he heard himself saying. “I’m not driving tonight.”

“Aight, I’ll be right back.” Changbin took the cup and left the room. Jisung looked around at the other boys scattered around. Seungmin was playing a game on his phone, only glancing up to make a comment here and there. Jeongin was resting his head on Seungmin’s shoulder, watching the older boy play. Hyunjin was lounging in the recliner, talking animatedly to Minho, who was perched on the edge of the couch. Jisung was on the other side of the coffee table, watching Felix try to catch popcorn in his mouth, snickering every time the freckled boy missed. And Chan…

And Chan was sitting, watching everyone with a fond smile. He did that a lot, Jisung realized. Sit and watch everyone with a content look on his face. He knew how much everyone meant to Chan. They were his family and he was theirs. He was their home and he was theirs.

He was Jisung’s home, more so than any place or anyone had been before.

The pain in his chest was interrupted by a cup being held in front of his face. He took it with a thanks and sipped at it, not caring about the bitter aftertaste that coated the back of his throat. The alcohol burned away the taste of Chan’s tongue, so he didn’t mind the flavor all that much.

He sipped at the drink again, wondering why he let himself get hurt so easily. Chan was one of his best friends. They made music together after classes and told each other things they wouldn’t tell anyone else. Chan told him in secret that he didn’t see Jisung as younger - not really, not like how he saw Jeongin and Seungmin and Felix. Chan saw him as an equal, not like a little brother.

Which was good, seeing how many times Jisung had tasted the older boy’s lips and felt burning touches trail down his skin.

He caught Chan’s eye from across the room. God, how he wished he could be curled under Chan’s arm, safe and warm and content - but he couldn’t.

Chan winked and Jisung’s ears burned. He could see how the blond’s ears were also red. He was just as drunk as Jisung was, which meant after everyone left Jisung was going to get what he wanted all evening. He just had to wait till they were alone.

Jisung turned away, fighting back the feeling in his chest. It didn’t matter how happy he was. He wasn’t supposed to be happy about it - not like this. He and Chan… they were best friends, and not really anything more.

Just best friends who made out and fucked but didn’t talk about it around the others. Best friends who comforted each other with touches and kisses but couldn’t be together because…

Because the universe was against him. Because Chan had just gotten out of a long term relationship and couldn’t handle anything serious. Because Jisung was broken and craved physical affection as an antidepressant. Because Chan was going away in a month and a half to study abroad in Scotland for a full year, leaving Jisung behind in Korea.

Because the universe thought it would be a cruel joke to give Jisung someone so, so perfect for him but make it so they couldn’t be together.

Jisung sipped at his drink. He was fine, as long as he had Chan as a friend. He was fine as long as he was able to comfort Chan and bring out that dimpled smile he loved so much. Jisung was fine, even though he wanted to cry.

* * *

  
“I thought they’d never leave.” Chan whispered, pinning Jisung against the wall carefully. He knew the younger liked a bit of force, but he was also so gentle. Always made sure Jisung knew how special he was.

“Kiss me.” Jisung demanded. Chan smirked, having mentioned many times how much Jisung acting like a brat turned him on. He leaned in and captured Jisung’s lips, the taste of their last drinks mingling as their tongues clashed. The contrast of kissing Chan always made Jisung’s head spin - it was so intense, yet made him feel so safe every time.

Chan broke away suddenly and hoisted Jisung up, wrapping the smaller boy’s thighs around his waist. Jisung squeaked a little at the motion, only to attack Chan with another deep kiss. He felt Chan smile into the kiss, which only made his pants tighter.

“What does my baby want?” Chan muttered against Jisung’s lips, making the younger boy’s heart stutter.

“You.” Jisung whispered, already sounding out of breath.

“What was that?”

“You.” He said a little louder. He could feel Chan smirk as he kissed down Jisung’s flushed neck. He bit down, causing Jisung to let out a yelp of pain and arousal.

“One more time kitten.” Chan growled, causing Jisung to lose what little dignity he had left.

“Kitten wants you daddy,” he gasped, letting Chan throw him onto the bed. He was trembling in anticipation, the alcohol in his system making it even easier to get lost in the fog that clouded his mind anytime Chan put his lips on him. “P-please!”

“Since you asked so nicely…” Chan pulled off his shirt and Jisung whimpered. God, why weren’t they closer? Why wasn’t Chan inside him yet?

Jisung gave himself to Chan like he always did, not caring that after they were done his chest would hurt a thousand times more because in that moment he felt a little less broken. He let Chan bite him, scratch him, bruise him. He wanted Chan to mark him, because even if it wasn’t true, it made Jisung feel like he belonged to the older boy.

Even if it was only for a little while.

Jisung cried out as Chan pounded into him, a smile on his face despite the tears running down flushed cheeks. Chan said he liked it when Jisung cried like that. He said it made Jisung look even more delicious.

Chan was everything Jisung ever needed. He was careful, but know how and when to be rough. He knew exactly what Jisung wanted, without him having to say a word. Sometimes, Chan knew what Jisung wanted before Jisung knew he wanted it. He treated Jisung like he was small and delicate, but also like he owned Jisung, and that made it hurt that much more, because god did Jisung want to be Chan’s.

He wanted to submit to Chan. Have Chan take care of him. Have Chan kiss his forehead and remind him to do things he would absolutely forget on his own and make sure he ate. He wanted Chan to hold his hand when they went out and to hold his hand when they fucked and to pepper his shoulders in kisses when they showered together.

But that would never happen. Not the way Jisung wanted.

Not the way Jisung needed.

Because the timing was bad, and the universe thought it was funny to give Jisung everything he ever wanted but keep it just out of reach.

He whimpered again, and Chan knew what he wanted.

He always knew.

He leaned down and kissed Jisung deeply just as the younger boy came hard. He could feel Chan’s breath against his lips and knew he was close too. Moments later, he felt Chan still inside of him. He always asked to do it without a condom, but Chan always insisted. Chan was always the more responsible one after all.

They collapsed on the bed, their breathing ragged and their heartbeats in sync. Jisung could already feel the glow being replaced with the same bone deep chill that always settled over him after they had sex, or after they made out, or after Chan held him close and whispered ‘baby’ into his ear as if he actually loved him.

“Go shower baby,” Chan kissed Jisung’s shoulder gently, right where a bruise was already starting to form. Jisung’s bones got colder somehow. “I’ll change the sheets and join you, okay?”

“Do you have to get up early tomorrow?” Jisung asked, sitting up. His hips were sore, but he liked the pain. It gave him something to focus on rather than the hollowness of his chest that just consumed him more and more knowing what Chan was going to say.

“Yeah, I have to get to campus early to finish some work before my class.” Chan sounded upset, but Jisung knew it was coming. Chan always had to get up early, and Jisung always woke up alone in Chan’s bed. There was always a note next to him, saying there was breakfast in the fridge and a time when he would be home.

“You need to stop procrastinating.” Jisung said casually, grabbing one of Chan’s hoodies and his own sweatpants.

“I will… later.” Chan laughed, starting to strip the bed of the dirty sheets. Jisung laughed and shook his head, going to the bathroom across the hall.

And just like that, they were back to being friends again. Back to being bros. Back to the way things were supposed to be, because they weren’t supposed to be in love. Because they weren’t supposed to be anything more than friends.

Jisung cried silently in the shower, letting the water wash away his tears just like he did every time he and Chan slept together.

And just like every time he and Chan slept together, he was finished crying before Chan stepped into the shower with him.

* * *

  
“I dunno, if I find someone then I guess I find someone but I’m not going to put effort into it, you know?” Chan said, laying on his back on the floor. Jisung looked down at him from the bed with an amused smile. They were at Jisung’s, pretending they were going to study for finals when in reality they were just going to goof off.

“What’s wrong hyung?” Jisung grinned. “Think you’re gonna scare all the cute ones away?”

  
“What? No,” Chan’s ears turned red. “I just… I dunno, I don’t know if I’m ready for anything serious, so I’m not going to try to look for something. If whatever happens when I’m there then fine but, you know, I’m not going to charge headfirst into the dating scene.”

“Yeah, I getcha.” Jisung sat up and looked at his phone because if he didn’t he would start crying. It hurt so badly to hear Chan talk about this, but he was Chan’s best friend and that’s what best friends talk about.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chan sat up and looked at Jisung with a frown. Jisung’s heart drop a little but he covered it easily.

“Yeah, just thinking about how much I’m going to miss you when you leave.” That was something a friend would say to a friend. That was safe to confess. Chan’s shoulders slumped a little before he got up and sat next to Jisung on the bed. He pulled the smaller boy into his arms and rested his chin on Jisung’s head.

Jisung closed his eyes and pretended that being in Chan’s arms wasn’t where he belonged when it absolutely was.

“It’s gonna suck being away, but I’ll be back for a bit in the summer.” Chan said, his voice vibrating through Jisung’s body.

“That’s so far away.” Jisung’s voice accidentally let some of his pain through, and he felt Chan’s arms tighten around him.

“I know kitten, but I’ll always be here for you,” Chan whispered, nuzzling Jisung’s hair gently. “I’m only a phone call away.”

“I know, but it won’t be the same.” Jisung buried his face in Chan’s shirt, ignoring the dull ache spreading through his chest.

“Love you Sungie.”

“Love you too hyung.” It wasn’t the same kind of love.

“It’ll be okay.” Chan said again before falling silent. They stayed like that, and if Chan noticed his shirt getting wet as Jisung fell asleep in his arms, he never mentioned it.

* * *

  
“I’m gonna miss you.” Jisung pouted, barely holding back tears. They were at the airport, waiting for Chan’s flight. Felix and Changbin were already crying and had been for some time and Jeongin, Seungmin and Hyunjin were close behind. Minho was doing his best to cheer the others up as the minutes ticked down to when Chan’s flight was going to leave.

“I’ll miss you too.” Chan’s eyes had been teary since they left for the airport, but he hadn’t actually cried yet.

Neither had Jisung, but that might have been because of all the sobbing he did the night before, alone in his room where no one could hear him.

“I swear to god if you leave me on read for some Scottish guy-” Jisung threatened weakly, chuckling as his throat burned more and more. He was going to break any second, he knew he was.

“I could never,” Chan reached up and ran his fingers through Jisung’s bangs and letting his hand cup the younger’s cheek. “I could never forget about you Sungie.”

“This sucks…” Jisung whispered, closing his eyes tightly.

“Flight thirty one now boarding,” A woman called out. Jisung’s heart sank. “Flight thirty one to Scotland is now boarding. Please have your ticket ready.”

“I have to go.” Chan said, but didn’t move away from Jisung.

Not even when the younger’s tears coated his hand.

“You gotta go,” Jisung repeated, though every cell in his body screamed at him to beg for Chan to stay. “Your parents will be pissed if you miss your flight.”

“Jisung-”

“Call me when you land, okay?” Jisung smiled, his eyes turning up as more tears fell from them. “Fly safe.”

Chan gave Jisung a look that the younger had never seen on his face before. Chan looked behind him, where the other passengers were lining up and turned back to Jisung. In one swift movement, he kissed Jisung right in the middle of the airport.

He pulled away and grabbed his carryon bag before Jisung could even process what had happened. He went over and gave the others quick hugs and rushed promises to call often before he was carried away in a sea of people.

Jisung watched as Chan’s back disappeared through the little hall that led to the plane as tears continued to drip down his face. His hand came up to touch his lips carefully, as if he was afraid he had imagined it.

He waited until he got home before sobbing and screaming into his pillow.

He cried for Chan, who was still hurting. He cried for himself and for the timing of everything and for the universe playing a sick joke on him.

He was in love with his best friend, and he wasn’t allowed to be, because Chan needed him as a friend more than anything and Jisung would never, ever put that need behind something else. Chan was his best friend and his first priority, so even if it killed him, he was going to be the best friend Chan could ever need.

Till the end.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone's wondering why I've been MIA, school and depression have been kicking my ass. I've been trying to get motivation together to finish the other skz fic I started but it just wasn't coming. I'm hoping over winter break I'll be able to write a lot more, but right now finals are coming up and I have four essays due on top of the actual exams.  
> Honestly vent stories are what got me into writing fanfiction in the first place, so I guess this is kinda taking me back to my roots a little. I've just... been going through a lot and wanting to die a lot so I took those emotions, increased them by ten and forced my biases to feel them so I don't have to.  
> Sorry again for being so inactive. I feel so guilty about leaving my fic hanging for so long, but I promise I'll finish it and write new ones as soon as the semester is over.


End file.
